Festival Fashions

Ever since Kate Moss donned those teeny tiny denim hotpants for Glastonbury 2005, festivals have become just as much about the fashion opportunities as the musical ones. Every year scenesters across the world try to out-trend each other as the newest indie act to grace the cover of the NME ponces about a make shift stage in the middle of a muddy field. While the likes of Daisy Lowe and Peaches Gledof may find it easy to look like they've just stepped out of Elle (and with showers, stylists and hairdressers I'm fairly sure it is), the rest of us proles have to work a little harder. As you may be able to recognise I'm not a fan of festival fashion. How I see it, festivals are about the music and the booze. Even someone as obsessed as myself doesn't have the time or vanity to care about how my hair and makeup looks when I'm waist-deep in mud and bumping off thousands of sweaty drunk kids. So my advice for festival fashions?

1. Keep it simple, keep it cheap.

Do not spend anymore than a days wages on festival clothes, it's not worth it. They get completely ruined and no one actually cares what you're wearing in the end so you've wasted your money and ruined a garment that on any other occasion would be practical and beautiful.
Make like Ashleyne (Ex BB contestant for those of you with a life) and Charlie Brooker (Journalistic genius and fellow pessimist) at Glastonbury and choose practical shapes and nothing too garish.

Keep it cheap, takes on a whole new meaning, yet it works? Beats me.

There's nothing worse than seeing girls desperately trying to emulate the quirky fashion sense of Dita Von Teese and end up looking like a 12 year old at Halloween. Tutus and leg warmers are OTT and should be banned, anyone found wearing them should be shot upon sight.

Dita can do it and look chic, you will look like you've just come from Ascot, as a competitor.

2. Stick with dark colours.

Festivals are muddy. They just are, there are no exceptions. If someone tells you they were at a festival where the sun was splitting the stones, and there really were stones because the lack of moisture was so severe, they are lying. So do NOT make like Sienna Miller and wear bright colours. They will get destroyed and will be completely unwearable come Monday, even when you keep it cheap (Rule 1) it just isn't worth it.

I love Sienna's geometric pattern waistcoat and bright blue Ray Bans but give it 10 minutes in the pouring rain and it will loose all charm. Now Daisy Lowe and Lily Donaldson have the right idea here.

Dark colours and black tights-pure genius! Keeps your legs clean and eliminates the need for fake tan, killing two evils with one stylish stone. Yes, Daisy's fringing may be a little bit too much but I can't fault her colour scheme. Lily, carry on.

3. Headwear essential.

There is no way to keep your hair look clean or good for 4 days without a shower. There just isn't. Dry shampoo will only work for a day or two, as soon as you sleep or lie down any style will fall out and there's nothing you can do about it. So get a hat! Problem solved.